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Senior Moments – for week of April 21

Spencer3-300x20011Shrewsbury, Massachusetts – What a wonderful age we live in. The technologies we now have would have been considered nothing short of magical near the turn of the 21st century a mere 14 or so years ago, things like flat screen inch thick TVs, laptop and iPad computers, wi-fi availability everywhere you go, etc. Besides those things that make our lives easier and more enjoyable, virtually every ailment can now be cured or eliminated altogether by simple, out-patient surgeries.

The other day my wife was reading an advertisement in the newspaper for a soon–to-be-released pill that doesn’t just eliminate wrinkles but can reshape the female body. Imagine that, by simply taking a little capsule a woman’s frame can be slimmed, trimmed, customized and glamourized without workouts, exercise, or any physical exertion…. even plastic surgery will soon be an outmoded medical procedure. What a boon to humankind.

Irrespective of age, this tiny tablet can perk up a woman’s sagging breasts, firm up a lagging backside while retaining its spherical character, sculpt an expanding waistline, and add symmetrical curves to shapeless legs. Short of getting a new body, this medical marvel sounds like the answer to every woman’s prayers (and men’s as well).

With all the continual advances that are extending our life spans, it won’t be long before the typical person will be able to live to 150 years of age and beyond, and with the ability to recapture the vibrancy and youthful appearance of a female’s body, aging will actually be only a state of mind. When you realize that the average life expectancy in the 1930s was around 50 years with middle age being in the late 20s, it is mind boggling to think that we’ll soon reach ages of biblical proportion, though how Social Security will be able to support everyone is another problem altogether.

Digressing for a moment, the thought of extending the length of retirement raises the question of how Methuselah was able to survive for 969 years without ever having put a penny into FICA. He must have had an excellent 401K where he worked, or a very good pension plan that wasn’t pillaged by upper management.

Back to the miraculous measure, it’s truly wonderful how one discovery or invention leads to the technology for others to be perfected as well, like the invention of the transistor and the IC coming along shortly after the first humongous computers appeared, making it possible for PCs and laptops to be owned and used by everyone from toddlers to topplers. If not for this veritable fountain of youth pill that we’ve been discussing, what would be the sense of living for two centuries if looking and feeling like a shapeless lump for the 2nd half of your life? Even worse, who would want such a grotesque-looking person around?

Speaking of which, I just had a frightening thought. If my wife did take that magic medication, what is to say that the “new her” would still like the “old me”?


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